My Mind is Swimming

So much going on in my little head right now.  I had quite a few calls today from various people to arrange this week.  First up, my trip to Manchester.  All the people at work find this hilarious, I don't help matters but the best effort was my gift from Karyn, see the picture below.  At least I have a gluten free lunch ready for me after my hard work tomorrow morning!

My trip to Manchester tomorrow is to bank my sperm, as chemo has a tendancy to make people infertile.  Joanne, who called me to let me know about the appointment stressed that she booked me in for the first available appointment, so if there are any problems tomorrow, I could always return on Thursday if needed to - what are they expecting from me?  This whole process brings into stark realisation that I will probably not be able to father children again without making a few phones calls to get my stuff back from someone else.  I never thought I would in that position.  I never considered having the snip anyway, probably something for the future, but that would be my decision.  The decision has been taken out of my hands,  but at least I get the chance to keep some I suppose.

Leonie and I were talking about Friday and I am really nervous about the unknown and I know that its gonna be different, I really don't know how I will re-act.  I keep saying to myself "just get on with it", but what if I can't?  Leonie asked if I was more nervous when she gave birth, yeah I suppose in some ways, but that circumstance I had someway of controlling, and I was nervous, sure thing, but in a happy and excited mood, this fills me with trepidation!  Of course, come Saturday or next week, I will probably look back at this and think what was all the fuss about, thanks to the positive thoughts of Zoe!  And that goes to everyone else too, its still really comforting and quite humbling to feel (and know) that I have support from so many people, thanks everyone!

I was thinking about cutting my hair,  normally I would shave it myself, number 4 all over and think about cutting it again when the back gets curly! Simple rules for a standard hair cut!  I have a bit of a fear of my hair loss, I know it will grow back, but I just have realise that I will have an impending bald head anyway, regardless of chemo, it is going anyway, so no great loss! Lets hope it is sunny this year so I can get a tanned head!