Eager Anticipation

Back to normal this week, Oscar back at school, Sidney back at Nursery and Leonie and I back at work after the half term break.  Over the past 10 months I have been using a pretty rubbish phone, but Amy, who I sit next to has just got a new phone, so she gave me her old samsung, I was so happy, a phone that works.  I had quite a productive morning, but I was getting impatient, it has nearly been a week since I heard anything.  They did mention that it could be two weeks before I heard anything, but I cant wait that long.

Shortly after lunch, my phone rang.  I grabbed it and ran out to answer it.  It was LEP, to organise the photographs for the article, all exciting but not the call I expected.  I decided to call them, I couldn't wait any longer.  I tried Rosemere first, but no-one answered.   I then called the nurses and spoke to Alana, who was shocked that I hadn't been called.  She told me she would call me back after making a call.  A few minutes later, I got the call.  She told me I was starting chemo on Friday at 10am.

It feels like a whole weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but replaced with another weight thats even bigger.  Last week I wanted to get started as soon as possible and practically was inviting the chemo start, now I dont want it start.  I called Leonie and my mum to let them know, then I spoke to Karyn, who put it all into context for me; its the start of the road to recovery, I have to start at some point, and I am better getting started now.

I have never known nerves like this.  I spoke to my friend Ian again for a while and although I am due to start chemo this week, he made it like something to look forward to as we joked about what was about to begin.  We told the guys in the team, to keep them updated, and all they could focus on was the fact I was going to have to spend an afternoon going to Manchester, which was a good distraction.

I got home and life returned to normal, its good how the children force you back to reality and don't let you dwell on anything for too long.  Leonie and I had a chat about some practicalities about the impending chemo, what we would do with the kids.  We also looked at the dates where things were likely to happen, planning out our year with weddings, anniversaries and birthdays, and how it all ties in with my treatment.

Later on my sister, Janette,  called and saying things out loud to people really makes it real, I went to bed and fell asleep saying to myself that I will beat this, and chemo is just the start of the process.